Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
