this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
