oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
only if we run a train.
done.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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