Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
