we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize