it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
