It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize