okay pat passed out under dana's car
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
