I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
