and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
