I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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