sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
