Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think i have two assholes
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I pour the whiskey from now on
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
