listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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