I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
