I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
