Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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