I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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