I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We have started to decorate penises.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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