You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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