so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
