the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
