everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
