The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
