Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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