I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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