I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
