my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
