And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
