Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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