My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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