Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
