she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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