i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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