He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
