Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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