My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
