yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
