she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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