Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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