Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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