oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
