I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
