Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
