my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize