If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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