Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
