Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
