I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
