brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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