k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
