That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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