Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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