His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
