Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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