I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
