My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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