remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
