I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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