what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He shit in the fireplace
do nipples grow back?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize