Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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