I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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