I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
