I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
