note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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