He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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