i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish i was in the wii world.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
