He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
