Already got asked if we're dating
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
