I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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